Almas

 

1) How did you meet him?

We met at a marriage event. It was all very halal and our families contacted each other shortly after we met and we agreed to exchange numbers . From the word go it was very different. It was like we were the same person but he was the guy version! We knew after about 2 months that we were ready to marry and arranged our nikah a month later.

2)What made him different to other guys?

He was very talkative and relaxed which was unique. I had not met many guys but I had the experience that "successful" or "professional" Asian guys were usually very arrogant and thought a lot of themselves. This was a major turn off for me, and my husband, despite having done very well for himself mashaAllah, was very very down to earth about it. I felt very early on that I could be myself and be vulnerable around him and that was a major thing for me. I needed someone that could see my flaws and appreciate them just as much as the positives. We got along very well and had many laughs. Overall I felt we were compatible as we shared so many of the same values and beliefs which is a core component of a happy marriage.

3)Looking back what was different about your mindset that brought you to the right guy?

Just before I met my husband, my mindset had changed from being negative to a lot more optimistic. I met him shortly before the new year. I felt that "this is a new year. insha'Allah it's going to be an amazing year. I will meet someone insha'Allah". This shift in mindset was a massive part of the reason why I felt so relaxed and generally optimistic when talking to my husband. I had felt so low in the months prior to that, that I thought, "it can only get better". And it did. I Iet go of the "what if he (insert negative issue)" and thought I would go with the flow. If it didn't go anywhere then so be it, but at least I could look back and say I gave it my all with a positive mindset. Alhumdulillah I felt that my change in mindset was evident through our conversations. Despite me being a realist as opposed to an optimist my husband often commented on how I generally saw the best in things. The biggest lesson I have learnt from this is if you look for the worst in people, you will find it. Everyone has flaws.

4)What did you learn in your coaching journey that would help ladies who currently feel stuck in their search and who are fed up of meeting the wrong guys?

Firstly ladies, I know this sounds cliché...but do seek the help of Allah. He is with us all the time and nothing beats the barakah of a sincere dua. Secondly, if you are feeling really stuck, I would advise you give yourself a short break. Even just a week. Log off your online matrimonial accounts and use the time to enjoy your own company. Take yourself to a nice relaxing spa or weekend away with friends or family. Lastly if there are any reasonable deal-breakers for you, I would voice them very early on when you are talking. This prevents you from wasting time talking to someone that you find out a month later is incompatible with you. And through it all please have the belief that it will happen insha'Allah. And don't give up. For every an unsuitable guy out there, there is one amazing one.

 
Soraya Soobhany-Chohan