It's OK For You, You're Not Married


Oh here we go again (cue inner eye roll!)

To use a clichee, if , during my 15 years as a singleton, I had £1 for every time I heard this smug, patronising and just plain insulting phrase I wouldn’t have a mortgage to pay off right now!

But there it is. That one phrase that , as a single woman, can just cut you down and diminish you to nothing but a mere woman-child who apparently has no idea of what life really is.

There are other variations of it too: “wait until you’re married then you will know (insert presumed stress factor here)” or “It’s different when you are married as you will see oneday” (plus smug patronising martyr-like smile).

They all boil down to one ugly assumption : that as a single woman your life is WAY easier than theirs. You have endless amounts of free time, your cash flow is bottomless and your problems stretch no further than chipped nail polish.

Oh if only they knew!

You might have a bit more spare time and you may have a bit of extra cash at the end of the month but please do not assume that it makes life less stressful.

You are in charge of your own life and whilst it is a hugely liberating experience it is also a potentially scary one. You pay the bills, you pay the mortgage, you maintain the car and you deal with the unpleasantness of day to day living by yourself. (It brings to mind the friend who once said me "how can you be broke? You're single!")

You're also alone in dealing with the daily battle of trying to stay positive as you wonder when exactly you are going to find The One and get married. You endure endless dates and countless rejections that you can’t always talk about openly. You lie awake in tears wondering why it’s so easy for everyone else to find a partner but so damn hard for you. You constantly question whether you are the problem and are somehow unworthy of love.

So married sisters next time you feel the need to chime in and remind your single sister of how wonderful her single life is please remember that she is fighting battles you’ve never had to fight.

Soraya Soobhany-Chohan