How To Deal With Wedding Envy

 

Have you ever felt that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when another of your friends blinds you with her 10 carat diamond ring as she hands you her gold and ivory embossed wedding invitation?

It's OK. We all have and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

But how do you stay calm, sane and positive when you suddenly realise that you are the last singleton of your group? 

1. Acknowledge and embrace how you are feeling.

Say it out loud to a trusted friend, write it in your diary (or email it to me). Say it, say that you feel panicked, afraid, jealous, angry, outraged, whatever it is. Once you have said it you can then work through it. Don't suppress it, it will only come back to haunt you in some unhealthy way. Feeling things like envy, anger, resentment, sadness etc. when you hear of someone getting married doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s understandable - certainly to me anyway - that you would feel this way. Don’t be so hard on yourself.


2. Remember the hadith:  “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”

Granted it's not always easy but think about your own wedding one day in shaa Allah. You would want your friends to be happy for you. Who knows, maybe right now your friend is  feeling a little guilty that it's her and not you getting married. She needs a supportive friend more than ever right now.

That said, don’t feel you have to martyr yourself either to prove that you’re totally OK with everything. By all means help with the wedding plans but not at the expense of your own time and needs.

It’s quite easy to feel that if you go out of your way to make your friend’s wedding go smoothly it will make up for those things you felt when you found out she was getting married.

Not so. If it gets overwhelming, take a step back. You can still be happy for your friend and wish the best for her from a slight distance if it means you get to take care of your mental health.


3. Treat yourself!

OK this one is a bit superficial but do it!

Buy that expensive coffee and cake, watch the film you love, have a hot bubbly bath, play your favourite computer game, go to your favourite workout class.Whatever cheers you up, indulge and use it to remind yourself how deserving, valued and amazing you are whatever your marital status

Remember we are only human. Yes we are Muslim but we are by no means perfect.  You have a heart and a soul and, as women, Allah has blessed us with the ability to feel a range and depth of emotions be they sadness or elation or both at once. It's how we deal with them that counts.

 
Soraya Soobhany-Chohan