What To Do When He Suddenly Disappears


I know you've done it, we all have. Phone next to you on the sofa or table, casting anxious glances every 2 minutes to see if that little Whatsapp circle is illuminated! Opening his chatbox, seeing he's online you start to write a message then stop. Then start, then stop.


Because he's suddenly stopped communicating with you. He's gone from regular messaging to zilch. Or maybe it went further than that, maybe you were even at the point where you had met and all was going great then whooosh he's disappeared quicker than the last samosa at iftaar.

This is THE most common issue I get asked about on a daily basis so to help you along here are 5 tips to help you deal this situation without compromising your dignity or turning into a furious  she-wolf!

Tip 1:  Assess  your expectations
It could be that you have only just met this guy and have only started to communicate recently. Even if you have sent 100+ texts in last 48 hours since meeting him (which I certainly don’t recommend!) it’s still a short period of time! In all honesty then sisters, as hard as it is to accept, he doesn’t really owe you any explanation for his disappearance. Leave it be. Continue with life as normal. Meet new guys. If he contacts you again you can decide whether or not you would like to continue where you left off. 
 Tip 2: Step out of your imagination
In your mind you are probably picturing him with his phone in his hand carelessly flicking past your messages, laughing demonically every time he sees your name pop up and telling his mates all about how much he hates you. Before you know it you've concocted a whole narrative to explain why he isn't replying. The truth is you don't know what the reason is and unless you've progressed to family-meeting stage, unfortunately there's not much you can do other than continue living life, getting out there, meeting people and being ready to receive the right guy (be it the one who is currently not texting you or otherwise).

Tip 3: Live
What were you doing before you met him? One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to put your life and world on pause and focus your entire attention on  communication with this guy because you believe he could be The One. I've heard of sisters totally rearranging evening and weekend plans to accommodate phone calls etc. only to have the guy suddenly disappear. Of course it's going to feel like a part of your life is missing if you've created significant space for a guy who has not yet earned it. Get back to what you were doing, live your life, keep busy.  Before you know it you've forgotten what you were even worrying about as you've given your self distance and gained clarity on the situation.

Tip 4: Reality check

I often hear from ladies who feel absolutely insulted because mid texting conversation frenzy he stopped talking to you . You scroll back up over the messages reading and re reading between the lines wondering what you could have said wrong. You take it as a personal affront that he could simply leave you hanging half way without so much as an explanation. Reality check: you live separate lives. Things happen that cause us to abandon our phones suddenly: someone at the door, a phone call on the house phone, an urgent errand or maybe he just needed a poo! Don't jump to conclusions just yet!

Tip 5: Move forward with dignity

The real desire is to "have it out with him" and demand to know why he disappeared like that when everything was going well. If you never even met or you met just once, don't do it. I know you want answers but demanding them is just a form of trying to control the situation.You can't control it. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing it affected you, let him feel outraged instead that you're not that bothered. Then do something nice for yourself and reward yourself for having had a lucky escape from such a thoughtless man!

Of course if things have gone further like you had talked about marriage, decided to move forward and  meet families etc.  then he just disappears.  feel free to send a polite message or email explaining  that you have noted his disappearance, you are not impressed by it and that you shall moving forward in your search and that you wish him the all the best (even if you don't really!)

The bottom line sisters is to listen to your female intuition and use your common sense.

 If he has a genuine reason for being too busy to contact you e.g. family bereavement, then maybe this isn’t the best time for either of you to be entering into marriage talks. It doesn’t make you heartless, it just means you are stepping back and taking care of yourself and also allowing him some space.

 The best course of action in this situation is just to step back, get some perspective and see what happens. Continue your search and don't put all your eggs into one basket until that basket has met your family and set a date for the wedding!


Soraya Soobhany-Chohan